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Talk:Hotoke Perzsike/@comment-30807545-20151113191203
Okay, you asked me for a review of this character; I'm gonna do it because it's expected of me. Now, as I told you before, I don't sugarcoat things because it won't help anyone; you won't learn anything if I do. Yes, there will be some parts of the review that may sound harsh, but it's for the better. Anyways, let's get this rolling: Quote: It's fine and all, but I suggest using the infobox for the quote. For that, go here. The reason why is because it looks off and improper. Also, you should add that under the "Under Construction" tablet. It should always go there; that way, it doesn't look awkwardly cramped into a tight space. Do the same thing with the second quote you have. Infobox: Honestly, I'm not gonna hound you with this, it's up to you. But as a suggestion, I suggest you use this one. The reason being that the profile pic is fit perfectly in their and you're able to choose the color of the infobox and its wording. Gives you more variety. With his aliases, they should be in Bold and have translations next to them, the romanji being italicized. Here's an example: :Slave Driver (奴隷馭者, Dorei Gyosha) Like this. If you want proper kanji translations, I suggest using sites like Nihongodict or Tangorin. They have proper translations, but you need to insert words one at a time. Just be careful with that. Y'know what, to see what a proper infobox looks like, look at Wendy Marvell (LastationLover5000) and Sanjo Vista. Introduction: I see there's a slight problem here. You gotta remember to bold Hotoke's name and add the translation to it. Again, see the two articles that I've mentioned. There's also a ton of grammatical errors in this intro (and the rest of the article for that matter), thus is something you need to seriously work on. Appearance and Personality: Like with the intro, grammatical errors here and there, which needs correcting. Also, as I said with the quotes, use the template I linked above. Makes things more neat and proper. Equipment: By reading this alone, I see that there are things here that I can't make sense of. Yes, I know they're weapons, but it seems like these descriptions are kinda.... half-assed. Yes, it's good to keep it simple and to your specifications, but remember.... it won't hurt to go further beyond with that. Take a look at this for example; it's simple, yet is very descriptive at the same time. It's not long-winded and over-driven. Short, sweet, and to the point. Powers & Abilities: *sigh* This is gonna be a doozy; I can already tell all the things wrong with this section. Let's start with Lich Magic. To be honest, I don't think that this is really needed. You're already going for the whole Slayer concept, so focus on that. From what I see (aside from improper formatting), you have as many spells as you do with your Slayer Magic. It makes it less convincing that he's a Slayer since he focuses on both his magics equally instead of putting one above the other. As you've already known, I told Forest the exact same thing (The damn man didn't listen to me after all that I've done.) Same thing with Vance Kervic. I told these two the exact same message. Too bad only one of them took it to heart. Anyways, I suggest you substitute Lich Magic with something else, because from what I'm reading - it's as powerful as his DS magic. A minor magic that can incorporated into his DS magic will do. Something like Green Magic or Plant Magic. Either or. Now, for his Forest Dragon Slayer Magic, it should be formatted like this Dragon Slayer Magic (Small description of what it does and shit) Sub-Ability #1 Sub-Ability #2 Sub-Ability #3 etc. etc. You get the drift right? Just format it like this and you should be fine. Look at Genghis Breningoch, Damon D. Draco, and Wendy Marvell (LastationLover5000) for examples on how it's done. Also, you need to format and fix the grammar for Whip Magic. It's kinda atrocious and needs to be up-to-date. Translations are needed, spacing, asterisks need to be put next to the techniques, the whole nine. I should add that with things like Expertly hand-to-hand combat - it should be capitalized. By that I mean every first letter of each word, except for "to"; that should stay lower-cased. I should add that it's Expert; it's proper and more professional. With most of the stats you're giving like Astounding Speed, give a proper description. Remember, it's a wikia; your work has to have a certain level of professionalism to it. This.... this really doesn't. It's tacky and unappealing. Stats: With this, don't say "To the right of you"; take this part off. People aren't blind or dumb. They know where the chart is located. Again, grammar man, grammar. Trivia: With this, asterisks are needed next to each trivia point being made. Don't leave them in such a condition; also tacky and unprofessional. Still.... grammar problems and punctuation. For proper trivia, again see Wendy Marvell (LastationLover5000). Okay, that's the jist of things. I've done all I could; the rest is up to you. If you have any questions about the stuff mentioned, ask admins or other users.